Get Out of Jail Free

There are some things that everyone simply agrees upon. It doesn’t matter if you’re left, right, black, or white. Example: Rape. We all agree on the fact that rape is a horrific crime and deserves punishment.

So where do we go from there? We all know rape is bad, so what the fuck do we do about it? First, you outlaw it. So when one commits the act of rape, you can properly charge them, and give them their constitutionally mandated day in court. If found guilty by a jury of their peers, they will be punished according to the law. This is America.

So you may understand when I get absolutely fucking irate at the news of George Bush commuting Scooter Libby’s prison sentence. How fucking dare he. The pathetic piece of cunt. If sending thousands of Americans to their demise for absolute bullshit reasons wasn’t enough, he is now circumventing the entire judicial process by letting his partner in fucking crime slip out of jail. A literal GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD.

What could possibly possess the world’s most hated American president of all time to complete bend over our court system and bang it in the ass? In this article, Bush says that the prison term is excessive. He also said the $250,000 punishment was “harsh.” Fucking blow me you scum bag lying fuck. Let me tell you…

Fuck Valerie Plame. She used her job as a political tool and was hardly a CIA agent. Regardless, Scooter Libby obsctruced justice, lied to investigators, and tarnished the already horrifically scarred sanctity that used to be called the White House. It’s so dirty now, it’s like a big black house. Like the one you see at the end of a winding road on Hitchcock films. That is what our White House has become.

Bush needed to stand up, and say he wouldn’t stand for corruption in his government. Bush should have stood up and said “Because this man was part of this White House and this executive branch of my controlled government, I believe he should face the full extent of the law with no exceptions.” There is nothing more serious than the reputation and image of our leader. So when the leader of your Vice President’s staff gets convicted of breaking a federal fucking law, you send them packing and make them go far away for a long time. How dare they embarrass you.

This is all very logical and rational, right? We’re all in agreement here. He committed a crime, was found guilty in a court of law, and now he should serve it. If you do disagree, then pretend he raped your wife. Then ask yourself if anybody with the moral fiber of George Bush should be deciding what is excessive.

The fact of the matter is, everything I’m saying is right. Bush knows it too. It’s completely reasonable. Pretend the White House is your company that you work at. If anyone at your job did this, and had its company name attached to this man and the crime he committed in every news story, he’d be fucking canned.

Here’s the truth. Bush has to commute the sentence. He has no choice. Why? Because Scooter has a mouth that he can use to punish Mr. Bush if he lets him goto jail for 30 months. That’s why. It’s quite simple.

Let us shift our perspective to Scooter Libby. You have a great job, you lead the staff for the Vice President of the great United States of America. Sweet gig. Your, quite literally, evil boss gets you involved with some shady shit. You’re instructed to play politics and invalidate this Valerie Plame bitch. Hey, he’s your boss. Do the job, no big deal. You’re the chief of his staff, this is what he has hired you for.

Well, you get in big trouble for it. For following orders. Your career and life is ruined. The shame, the humiliation, the anguish. You reach out to your bosses, and they tell you to just wait to see what happens with the trial. He’s guilty. He asks for help again. They say wait for the appeal. It’s at this point, the White House knows that they have to commute his sentence, even though it will be enormously embarrassing and completely fucking wrong, Universally, folks. It’s the wrong thing to do.

But he had no choice. It’s a simple equation. The shame from commuting his sentence now is nowhere near as bad as what would happen if a scorned Scooter Libby opened up his big fucking mouth. A whole lot of lives, legacies, and political careers would be ruined if an insider decided to burn the house down. And the is the only logical reason for the President of the United States of America intentionally doing something so incredibly immoral and wrong.