Entries from July, 2004

If you see a turtle struggling to cross the road, do not drive right past it, or around it, or over it in an attempt to go on with your busy life. If you do that, it makes you a scumbag cocksucker mothefucker and you deserve to have your fucking nuts in in a vice. Instead, pull over, or if you can’t, just stop right in the middle of the fucking road. Pick that bad boy up. Be careful, he might squirm a little but they won’t attack you. Help him along to the other side of the road and make sure he’s well on his way. If you don’t do this, you’re a piece of shit and I’ll fuck up your program.

I went to a pretty decent show last night. Now, I’m a big fan of metal. Don’t get me wrong. I am metal to the motherfucking bone. But I went to an Evanescence/Seether/3 Days Grace/Breaking Benjimen show last night. It was at the TD Waterhouse Center in Orlado. It was pretty damn good I must say. Evenescence is decent. They’re very original and I’m down with that. Amy Lee, the singer has a great voice and the guitarist has one bad ass scream. They should have him scream more often. Amy Lee is damn hot. Man, I want her. I planned on bootlegging the whole show but my fucking cheap ass batteries died. I was pissed. So I did some quick goat thinking and I just made a few AudioBlogs. They are shitty quality. I don’t know why they turned out so… shitty but it’s better than nothing. I lost 30 bucks last night. I never lose money. I’m always very fucking careful. But somehow I did and I was livid. It sucked a fat cock. Pretty good night though, I’d say. I made a commitment to myself to see more concerts. I used to go see bands all the time, but since I started working almost full time I’m always ‘too tired’ to. But it’s always worth it when I go. I’ll tell you this. There is absolutely nothing that gets me more high than being right up on the rail in a small club seeing a band when you know all the lyrics to all of their songs. That 45 minutes of pure energy. It’s something indescribable really. It’s one of those things that make life great.

I downloaded an Audio Book of the 9/11 Commission Final Report. So far it is quite interesting. Hezbulah (sp) have blown up Americans overseas multiple times. Iran has helped Hezbulah financially. This is very interesting to me. It seems to me, along with the not so new information that Iran is working to makes nukes, that maybe we should have left Iraq the fuck alone, and we should have actually been blowing the shit out of Iran. Who knows… To quote the new Nonpoint song, The Truth: “If we only knew the truth about what really goes on…”

Pepsi Edge = Shit.

Coka Cola C2 = Shit.

I warn you now, they are shit. For everyone. Me myself, I’m a diet soda drinker. I don’t like Coke or Pepsi. It just takes like shit to me. I love diet soda. Edge and C2 are in the middle of regular Cola and Diet. People who like Cola think it tastes like shit, and people who like Diet think it tastes like shit. Who the fuck thought this was a good idea? I miss Crystal Pepsi.

I’m going to Barnes and Noble today with my girlfriend. It’s kinda a cool thing to do. I like it. I don’t know why. I just like going there and hanging out, looking for cool books, even though I don’t like reading books. It’s just cool I suppose.

The Learning Channel (TLC) used to be such a fucking cool channel. It used to be in that same elite group with History Channel, Animal Planet and Discovery. Not anymore though. It has turned into TLCFLFHW. That’s right, TLCFLFHW: The Learning Channel For Lazy Fat House Wives. Stupid bitches. Nothing but fags on that channel fixing up houses and doing the most lame shit. It used to be a really good journal. I’m watching Discovery right now. To be specific, I’m watching this show called Myth Busters. It’s pretty cool. They just caught a Daddy Long Legs spider in a sauté cup. I think they could have found a more suitable holding device. Apparently, they are very deadly spiders but they simply don’t have long enough fangs to inject their deadly poison.

I had an interesting thought the other day. I hate driving to my girlfriend’s house, and to this town about 15 minutes away in general because it’s one lane the whole way, people drive slow as fuck, and there’s construction going on. It’s extremely frustrating. Before this though, I was reading a story about some fireworks stunt gone wrong, and these stupid fucking kids lit one of their friends on fire and he was burned hardcore style. He went to the hospital and they do something quite interesting to severe burn patients. They actually put them into a controlled drug induced coma. Now think about that power and apply it to your life. Wouldn’t it be awesome to fall asleep for say a month or two while things happen around you? It eliminates the waiting process, assuming a coma is just like sleeping and it isn’t like that trippy shit in Monkeybone. So I was thinking, it would be pretty cool if I could just go into one of these drug induced comas, and by the time I woke up, the construction would be done and I’d have 2 lanes of freedom to drive to my girlfriend’s house. I love radical ideas.

Have you ever met a really dykey bitch that looks like a man, talks like a man, works like a man, and acts like a man? I met this chick named Christine Willard. She’s my best friend’s aunt. I swear to god, she’s a fucking man. She has a cock. I saw the bulge in her fucking pants. Either that or she has Don King between her legs, if you get what I’m saying. God damn. She used to be a pretty girl, but I haven’t seen her in years. She’s now a 40 year old psychopathic groupie man bitch. And she has a fag boyfriend. He pretty much looks like anyone of these guys. Specifically, the one on the left. He’s a pretty big fag boy. But hey anyways, back to Xena. Ok now, imagine Xena, warrior princess + Chyna. You have Christine. Also, add on the man voice. She talks like Buffalo Bill from Silence of the Lambs. She’s not even a scary bitch, she’s just freaky. I mean, the first time I saw her recently I honestly had to ask her if she worked for the Circus. To my great surprise, she is indeed a sideshow freak. She sits in a little room and people pay quarters to see her freakish body along with her afro pubic hair which could be covering her penis clit. That is actually her. Now she also is addicted to many drugs including cocaine and heroin.

Now apparently today I caught her during a withdrawal because she doesn’t live here so she doesn’t know where to get her fix. Her veins were bulging. I heard she actually injects heroin into veins in her toes because she has ran out of good veins. What a fucking crack whore this bitch is. If she were alive 300 years ago, they would have hung her for being such a freaky bitch. In fact, I’m considering hanging her. I might just drug the stupid bitch and hang her from a tall tree. I’d thouroughly enjoy watching her gasp for air. Wondering if I’m going to let her down. Oh man I’m a sick fuck, but hey when people piss me off I think the worst and well, this fucking cunt is a dirty scumbag man whore and I’m hoping for her death.

I’m watching Cheetahs fuck on Animal Planet. The female doesn’t want it. She keeps rejecting him. Poor fella. He tried though and he got a little bit of booty it seems. Whoa… Male lions “won’t tolerate” other male’s offspring when they take over a pride. So they fucking kill them. Literally. He killed it with one bite to the neck. That’s fucked up. Crazy god damn lions. Now he’s licking the damn thing, maybe he feels bad. Oh nevermind now he’s eating it. That’s great. And the momma lion is bitching at him. Now the make lion is bitching back. Wow, this is crazy. Animal Planet rules.

Here come some Elephants walking near Lions. I wonder of the Lions will step to them. Nope, they didn’t. The elephants chased those bitches away. Oh now I think I’m gonna see some more animal rape. Yep. Why is this ok to show on tv? I don’t get it. Man this female lion is purring like crazy. Oh shit, these lions are about to fuck up some buffalo. A whole bunch of them. Oh shit now they’re running. Oh man one getting gang banged by like 4 lions. That was a total assault. God damn. “The fate of the buffalo is sealed” says the narrator. Now the other buffalo are just standing nearby, watching. Nature rocks. Now the rest of the pride as arrived to eat some buffalo. The females and the cubs have to wait until the males are done. Sounds like middle eastern culture, huh? What do they both have in common? Animals and savages.