The Beginning
Posted on Friday, January 31, 2003 in Uncategorized
Troubleshoot my cock and balls you incompetent assfucks.
9 years ago I started a weblog when I was 16. I was an angry, impulsive, unfiltered kid with the power of the internet. The site was one of the most popular blogs on blogger.com. It was so successful that I decided this was what I wanted to do with my life. Not write – but give my opinion. I decided that my future would be… radio.
Inspired by my obsession with talk radio, I thought I could do radio. It was time to get my shit together. My girlfriend was pregnant and I was a delivery driver and pizza maker. I went to school and quickly got a job at my local radio station. At the time, I didn’t know that getting a radio job was like winning the lottery. Radio jobs do not exist. One time while visiting CBS Radio in Tampa, FL – the Program Director, a very nice 20-something year veteran at the station told me you get a radio job when someone dies.
I was answering the phones and doing production and voice-over work. I was still doing the pizza job and working about 65 hours a week to support my family. Life was good. But a point came when life really came to be what it is for most people – a yoyo of ups and downs. A roller coaster. Great successes and terrible tragedies.
I started doing weekends on the air. I was really good – quite a natural. But this wasn’t what I expected. I was actually never really allowed to give my opinion and for good reason. The station I worked at was a Hot AC – basically Adult Top 40. Music for Moms that still like the new stuff without the rap. I couldn’t make fun of the President or say “fuck”. But I had a stage to own music and say funny stuff. I was a host.
I love music and I’ve always loved radio – so even though I didn’t get into radio for this, it was still my passion. I eventually became the Afternoon Drive host and was later promoted to Program Director. At a local station, the PD is in charge. I am the General Manager’s right hand man. I was running the radio station. I was married. I would soon have another baby, a little girl coming soon. Things were good.
However, somewhere along the way my blog was found. On one stupid comment in some random post, for some reason I has posted my full name – and it’s not a common last name so it showed up easily in Google. The boss found it and told me I had to stop. If anyone discovered these past writings, I could be fired. So it had to end.
Life wouldn’t be completely kind for me though. On July 25th, 2009, my younger brother, Jason was killed by a drunk driver a month after his 21st birthday. He was someone I spent every single day with in our tiny house from the day he was born until I moved out when I was 20. Countless Disney vacations, summer camps, board games, video games, Nick Toons, Nintendo, Sega Genesis, Invader Zim, Starcraft, Hollywood Undead, rock shows and a million other things. He was my brother. And some dumb cocksucker killed him.
When someone that close to you dies, it really fucks you up. I was engaged to my girlfriend, our wedding was coming up and I had no choice but to be strong. I had a four siblings and two parents who needed someone to be strong. I did well in this role, but eventually it was just too much. I never stopped to deal with myself. I didn’t quite crack up – I just slowly deteriorated. The first year went as good as it could. The second year after is when things started turning.
The stages of grief: Denial, Anger, Bargaining, Depression, Acceptance. My therapist told me I was stuck in the bargaining phase of the cycle of grieving. In the beginning, I had no beliefs in the afterlife. When this tragic event happened to me, I couldn’t help but see signs and miracles everywhere and I truly believed that somehow my brother’s consciousness survived death and there might be something to this afterlife thing. This really was an amazing belief and it got me through the worst.
I came to found out that entire first year was most likely the denial phase. After a while I just slowly started doubting this belief until it was gone. N0w things were worse emotionally than the start of this thing. I was receiving mental health care and the Doc put me on a few different medications. Abilify, Klonopin, Trazadone. Talk about playing chemistry with your body. This stuff fucked my head up. My identity was gone. I was another person. One caused me to suffer from a condition called “akathasia” which was basically the most uncomfortable feeling ever. I couldn’t drive my car because I couldn’t stand sitting for that long. I couldn’t watch tv, just sitting there watching was almost painful. I just felt like existing inside my skin was the most torture I could take. I wanted to explode. It’s a truly insane feeling. Read about it here.
So then for the next year I was basically this Doctor’s guinea pig. They changed my medicine around so much trying to find the cure to cope with a brother’s death. They gave me one drug that made my hair fall out. A sleeping pill that lasted two days. And lots of Klonopin. Ooh boy. People love Klonopin. Not me – I fucking hate it and I blame it and my stupid Doctor for drugging me to death. My life was falling apart. I was barely alive.
I would go to work, I hated my job. I would do a shit job on the radio and I’d do a shit job at running the station. I would sleep in my car as often as possible and I’d even just lay down and sleep behind my desk. I didn’t give a shit. I was emceeing a lot of events throughout the years and I just did a shit job at these too. I was anti-social guy – it just didn’t work. I was failing.
The time came where I could take no more. I went to a new, very expensive Doctor. This guy was an actual MD Psychiatrist. The real deal helping me now. A true mental health expert. Not an idiot playing guessing games on my brain making my fucking hair fall out. At this point, my brain was mush with all these different drugs and going through them all and stopping them for months at a time. It was damaging.
New Doc takes me off everything and puts me on some new stuff. Works great. Very good decision. Things are going to get better, I’m feeling very optimistic that I am now getting proper care in dealing with the death of my brother. I also have a therapist helping me. I’m going to get through this.
Two weeks later my boss calls me into his office. My boss was not just my boss. He was my mentor and my friend. A very trusted mentor and friend. He fired me. I was given a letter that was mostly bullshit, explaining the decision. Truth is, my shit job on the radio was better than EVERYTHING out there. I am a radio God. I am beyond talented at this point. I am major market talent. However, the big boss, the guy at the corporate level heard the weekend guy and just made a split decision to get rid of me and my on-air talent salary as well as my management salary and replace it with a minimum wage loser who copied everything I did on the radio. He was literally, the generic version of me. He sucks. Sorry Ryan, but it’s true. And just know – I saved his job multiple times because he was a shitty employee with a shitty attitude but he had a baby on the way so I let him keep his job.
So here I am – back to writing. Off the pills and slowly getting my brain back. Things are going to get crazy again. But so much has changed since I wrote this stuff. For 5 years I wrote a lot of crazy shit and I was definitely a specific guy. I’ll say this – when you have kids, everything changes. We’ll get into that next time.
For now, I declare that The Sick is back and it’s time to rock this motherfucker once again.
The End
TheSick.net is over. It’s been a great many years. But the more I read over these insane writings of mine, the more I realize it’s time to close this chapter of my life.
Clearly, I’m a talented writer. Since I do it professionally now, I just don’t like this anymore. What I did on this website was fucking AWESOME. But it wasn’t writing. It was long insane angry ramblings, half of which is complete bullshit.
Let me pull back the curtain. Here’s TheSick.net formula for success. Take any issue you feel passionately about, multiply that passion by about 50, then use vulgarity and obscenity to intelligently make your point. And you’ve got a fucking post.
That’s not me anymore. And like I said, some of these issues I intentionally took the minority opinion on and used the formula above to create a “shocking” post. It’s entertainment, fuckers!
Now all my writing is done in radio. I write copy for advertisers. I write for 20 hours a week just for the air. Jokes, bits, stories, etc. That is real writing. This stuff, this is just typing.
So I enjoyed my time as an internet typist who gave his opinion on all things. And trust me – THAT part will never die. I genuinely fucking HATE the bullshit that happens in this world, and THATS why I write. And that’s why I have a #1 rated radio show. Because I just have to open up my mouth.
It’s been fun. But it’s been over for a while now. The Sick – someone with no boundaries who just intentionally tried to piss people off on the internet, turned into a professional on the radio. And that’s that. Enjoy the site. Hopefully one day I’ll make it big and will be able to say: This is where I started.
George Carlin
George Carlin died yesterday. Some may already know this, but George Carlin was my biggest inspiration in this entire world. He is the reason I went after my dream of entertainment. He is the reason I made a blog. He is the reason I used profanity and obscenities to intelligently describe my well thought out points. Well, sometimes they were well thought out.
Point is, this blog exists because of the inspiration of George Carlin. And I only took the next step to radio because of the success of the blog. And it’s the continued inspiration of George Carlin that helps me every day on the radio. If all of my hopes and dreams come true, it will be in large part due to the inspiration of George Carlin.
I saw George Carlin long before I heard him. On Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure. As Mr. Conductor on PBS. That was when I was a boy. He was just that guy… When I was 16, my sister let me borrow George Carlin’s “You Are All Diseased”.
Quite possibly George’s most angry show considering the death of his wife two years earlier, I fucking LOVED it. It made me think. It taught me to question everything. It made me laugh so hard. I really can’t describe it. I just knew that I wanted to hear every word this man had to say. It could never get old.
As proof of that, my girlfriend can tell you that every single night, I go to sleep listening to George Carlin on my iPod. Every single night. I have every single recording he’s ever made. All 22 of his albums. And all three of his audio books. I listen to it all. I listen learn. I study his timing. His choice of words. His logic. His arguments. But most of all, I listen because there’s nothing better than falling asleep listening to the funniest person alive.
But now I can say that I fall asleep every night listening to funniest person who has ever LIVED… My biggest hero. The one person who has made the greatest impact on my development as a human being. Socially, mentally, and as a performer. George Carlin is without a doubt, my hero.
In 2005 George Carlin was working on his Life Is Worth Losing HBO special. He was coming to Orlando. I HAD to go. I went on to get tickets. Everything was sold out. I was crushed. I called the box office, they said sometimes they release tickets closer to the end so keep trying.
So I kept trying every hour on Tickermaster.com when all of the sudden… two front row tickets popped up. Two.. Front… Row… Tickets. I bought them both, took my best friend, and I was literally front row, DEAD CENTER. I could see the swear glisten on his neck. I watched them bring out his stool. I heard a man give the instruction to put Evian water in an unmarked bottle. It was truly one of the top 5 happiest moments of my life. Probably top 3. Maybe top 2.
I will hold on to that memory forever. I will cherish every single word of every recording this great man released for our enjoyment. In his late career, it wasn’t all about telling a funny witty joke. He wanted to expose the bullshit. He hated bullshit. He hated the fakness. He hated words that covered up the truth. He loved to point out that this country was founded by slave owners who said all men are created equal.
That’s who George Carlin really was. A man with the greatest ability to jump into the bullshit, wrestle around in it, harvest it, repackage it, and put it on a silver platter of gut busting hilarity for you.
To sum it up quite simply. George Carlin was my favorite person. Out of all the people on this earth, he was simply, my favorite. He was without question the greatest, most brilliant, ingenious comedian to ever step on a stage. And once he did step on to that stage, he never stopped. He did a show last weekend for Christ’s sake. He was still on fire. He made two HBO specials since 2004. While it makes me very sad to know that there will never be a new Carlin HBO special, I’m extremely grateful that he was able to pump out two more for us.
The strange part is, George Carlin joked about death so much, that it doesn’t seem so bad. He had the same quirky, obscure, skewed outlook on death as he did everything he else in the world. There will never be another person as brilliant and genius as George Carlin to make comedy. People as genuinely brilliant as George Carlin usually end up working at NASA. Carlin used his brilliance to make us laugh. He used is ingenious way of thinking to slap us in the face with the truth and then make us laugh about it.
I’ll miss him a lot. He was the best. And no one will ever be as good as him. George Carlin was so important to me, and is so special to me, that I can not possibly end this in a way that justifies the way I feel. So in George Carlin’s own words:
“I have no ending, so I take a small bow”
An Anus For An Anus
18 year old step son sodomizes man’s 8 year old daughter. Wife bails son out of jail, Step Dad picks him up, brings him to an abaandoned house. He then beats him with a baseball bat and sodomizes HIM with an unknown metal object.Read the story.
I would, in all honestly, do the same thing. Possibly more. I would make the conscious and rational decision to do justice myself. I almost believe it’s your duty as a father. And the interesting thing is, I believe most people would agree.
And I would gladly accept any legal consequences. I simply wouldn’t care. It would be much harder to live without exacting my revenge than to live in jail for a bit. Truthfully.
Does this make me fucked up? Does this make me crazy? I don’t think so. Anyone who knows anything about America’s prison system knows going to jail or prison simply makes you a better, more intelligent and credible criminal. It rarely helps.
Taking away someone’s freedom is simply not adequate punishment for; sodomizing your stepsister. Your Mom’s Husband’s daughter. Someone who calls you their brother. He deserved every bit of sodomizing he received in turn. He deserved the baseball bat beating. And he deserves for the world to know that he got raped in the ass with a big metal object. And I bet he cried like the weak pathetic scumbag bitch he is.
Matt – Has Returned
With the return of an election year and the primary’s bring the return… of Fucking Matt.
I’ve been so dedicated to radio and the writing I do for it, I just don’t have the time or energy to write the way I write on this site. A lot of time and effort goes into everything I write on this site.
But I’m a radio host now, meant to entertain and make people laugh. I’m not just an angry writer, with a fucked up perception of the world. I’ve grown and matured. Having a kid will certainly do that to you.
I haven’t changed. Just grown and evolved. I’m more determined than ever, and the radio thing is really happening in a way I never dreamed of. I’m very fortunate. And I’m pretty fucking talented too.
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I will be making an effort to write more. I may not come in and say, “Huckabee is a fucking idiot and I best he molested boys when he was a practicing Baptist Minister.” None of that. Besides, Huckabee is way too likable to do anything like that. Maybe Thompson.
And for the record, its only January, but Obama inspires me, and he at least gives me the illusion that change is possible. In reality, I’ll take any Democrat other than Hillary, just to unfuck up the past 8 years of Bush. The Dark Era of Bush and Cheney. History will tell that story. The Dark Lords of America’s Past.
The Draft
I need to say something very brief, yet very important. I’m referring to George Bush’s newly appointed war advisor, who considers the draft an option.
I can talk about the facts surrounding the appointment of this low level general to this position. I could focus on the fact that two other generals turned down the job, likely because anything other than “LEAVE FUCKING IRAQ, BOMB THE ENTIRE PAKISTAN BORDER” is just plain fucking stupid. Nonsense. Tom foolery. Incompetence. That is THE ONLY advisory to make.
But I won’t focus on that. This is what I want to say. I know that because of this phenomenal failure in Iraq, the second any country steps up, a draft will be instated. It might happen next week, or it might happen if Iran decides it wants to take over Iraq.
But when that does happen. I can only hope more than anything that left wing, right wing, conservative, liberal and independent can all rise up together, acknowledge the line has been crossed, and promptly burn down the White House and take control of the country.
We would put Cheney and Bush on trial in the same way the new Iraq put Saddam on trial. Then we could execute them 2 days after their trial in the middle of the night, and release the HD quality videos of those executions on YouTube. I’m sure we could do that part better.
I truly hope that a full revolt of our country would happen if any of these motherfuckers reinstate the draft. This President or the next should be physically removed from office by the American people. Riot police can’t stop a nation, and I truly hope that our nation would rise in the event of a draft. That is my line.
Of course, the exception would be if we were actually invaded by a real country. If Iran dropped a bomb on New Jersey, I would then hope with the same amount of passion that men would rise to the occasion to willingly fight for their country. I would. If we were attacked at home by a real enemy.
But of course, we made Iraq our enemy. And every day we’re over there, with every civilian killed, we create more enemies in the muslim world. And guess what? They’re not afraid to blow themselves up to kill more than one of us. In fact, it makes them happy to die. It is THE greatest honor.
We are creating the enemy. It’s time to cut our losses and stop creating more enemies. The Muslim World is not to be fucked with. Again, they are glad to kill themselves in order to kill us. They’re fucking insane. And we are not. So let’s just leave them alone and deal with the mess we’ve made. And prevent a fucking draft.
Podcast: Episode 10
Checking in to talk about various news items including the failed London Bombings and my take on the pathetic UK Islamic Terrorists. Completely clueless when it comes to bombing shit.
Also, don’t think that I’m going to stop writing. Not the case! Just very, very busy and I prefer to work on my radio career in my spare time.
Get Out of Jail Free
There are some things that everyone simply agrees upon. It doesn’t matter if you’re left, right, black, or white. Example: Rape. We all agree on the fact that rape is a horrific crime and deserves punishment.
So where do we go from there? We all know rape is bad, so what the fuck do we do about it? First, you outlaw it. So when one commits the act of rape, you can properly charge them, and give them their constitutionally mandated day in court. If found guilty by a jury of their peers, they will be punished according to the law. This is America.
So you may understand when I get absolutely fucking irate at the news of George Bush commuting Scooter Libby’s prison sentence. How fucking dare he. The pathetic piece of cunt. If sending thousands of Americans to their demise for absolute bullshit reasons wasn’t enough, he is now circumventing the entire judicial process by letting his partner in fucking crime slip out of jail. A literal GET OUT OF JAIL FREE CARD.
What could possibly possess the world’s most hated American president of all time to complete bend over our court system and bang it in the ass? In this article, Bush says that the prison term is excessive. He also said the $250,000 punishment was “harsh.” Fucking blow me you scum bag lying fuck. Let me tell you…
Fuck Valerie Plame. She used her job as a political tool and was hardly a CIA agent. Regardless, Scooter Libby obsctruced justice, lied to investigators, and tarnished the already horrifically scarred sanctity that used to be called the White House. It’s so dirty now, it’s like a big black house. Like the one you see at the end of a winding road on Hitchcock films. That is what our White House has become.
Bush needed to stand up, and say he wouldn’t stand for corruption in his government. Bush should have stood up and said “Because this man was part of this White House and this executive branch of my controlled government, I believe he should face the full extent of the law with no exceptions.” There is nothing more serious than the reputation and image of our leader. So when the leader of your Vice President’s staff gets convicted of breaking a federal fucking law, you send them packing and make them go far away for a long time. How dare they embarrass you.
This is all very logical and rational, right? We’re all in agreement here. He committed a crime, was found guilty in a court of law, and now he should serve it. If you do disagree, then pretend he raped your wife. Then ask yourself if anybody with the moral fiber of George Bush should be deciding what is excessive.
The fact of the matter is, everything I’m saying is right. Bush knows it too. It’s completely reasonable. Pretend the White House is your company that you work at. If anyone at your job did this, and had its company name attached to this man and the crime he committed in every news story, he’d be fucking canned.
Here’s the truth. Bush has to commute the sentence. He has no choice. Why? Because Scooter has a mouth that he can use to punish Mr. Bush if he lets him goto jail for 30 months. That’s why. It’s quite simple.
Let us shift our perspective to Scooter Libby. You have a great job, you lead the staff for the Vice President of the great United States of America. Sweet gig. Your, quite literally, evil boss gets you involved with some shady shit. You’re instructed to play politics and invalidate this Valerie Plame bitch. Hey, he’s your boss. Do the job, no big deal. You’re the chief of his staff, this is what he has hired you for.
Well, you get in big trouble for it. For following orders. Your career and life is ruined. The shame, the humiliation, the anguish. You reach out to your bosses, and they tell you to just wait to see what happens with the trial. He’s guilty. He asks for help again. They say wait for the appeal. It’s at this point, the White House knows that they have to commute his sentence, even though it will be enormously embarrassing and completely fucking wrong, Universally, folks. It’s the wrong thing to do.
But he had no choice. It’s a simple equation. The shame from commuting his sentence now is nowhere near as bad as what would happen if a scorned Scooter Libby opened up his big fucking mouth. A whole lot of lives, legacies, and political careers would be ruined if an insider decided to burn the house down. And the is the only logical reason for the President of the United States of America intentionally doing something so incredibly immoral and wrong.
Podcast: Episode 9
Mary Winker, the woman who shot and killed her preacher husband and then took off with her three young kids is sentenced.
She gets dick, and I am pissed. Listen to some straight up fury – Sick Style.
I know I’m posting a lot of podcasts, because it’s what I’m into right now and it’s where my career is going. I’ll still be writing though. Don’t worry. I just need stronger subjects to write about. The podcasts are great though, and high quality. I’m not some douche bag sitting at the computer talking into the same mic he uses to chat with his online girlfriend.
I’m a professional broadcaster, with a professional radio job, with a professional microphone using professional software to produce my amazing podcast.
Podcast: Episode 8
Paris Hilton is on the chopping block. I really hate her. I would admit that my disdain for the fucking woman is on an unhealthy level. Listen to my incessant hatred for the skank that is Paris Hilton.